Telling early worked better for me
I had a lumpectomy and no chemotherapy, so my appearance never changed. I could have gotten by without telling people, but I'm glad that I did. I feel closer to the people I told and I think that they were genuinely honored to be included and to know that they were important to me. At first, I was worried that people would think I was asking them for help if I told them before my treatment, but now I think that before treatment is the best time to do it. Every time I told someone after the fact or they found out from someone else, they looked embarrassed and said "I had no idea! I feel terrible!" and then I felt terrible too. Obviously, you have to put yourself first in this situation, so say what you want to say when you want to say it! For me, getting out in front of it felt much better.
I agree that telling people was a good idea. There were some people I didn’t tell but it was because I hadn’t spoken to them in a really long time and although they were friends, it felt awkward to call them out of the blue and tell them I had cancer.
I am not very active on Facebook outside of first day of school pictures. When I was first diagnosed I wanted to "control" the narrative. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me or to be afraid to talk to me directly so I did a Facebook post and directed them to a Caringbridge site where I give regular updates about my journey: chemo, surgery and radiation. Telling people early allowed for me to feel the community support and love from the very beginning which I believe lessened the burden.