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Talking About Cancer

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I told my daughters everything

First post and replies | Last post by SharonT, 10 months ago

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My daughters get upset when they find out their father and I have withheld information from them, even things from when they were too little to understand. Maybe some children want to be shielded from adult issues, but mine never have. They have always been hurt or offended when they've heard about things we didn't tell them about, like family troubles and such. So I decided to tell my daughters, who are in their 20s, when I was worried that I had cancer, before I even knew that I did. I waited until there was only about one or two days left be...

By SharonT 10 months ago

Telling my boys

First post and replies | Last post by tpir, 10 months ago

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I had been sick for MONTHS, with no real diagnosis, so it was almost a relief breaking the news to my children. We finally had answers! My husband and I sat our three boys down (ages 8, 12 & 13) and told them the news. We told them that I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had met with my treatment team at KU Med and had a general idea of what treatment would look like. Chemotherapy, surgery, then radiation was the initial treatment plan. If they had any questions and would like to talk to my oncologist, Dr. O'dea said we could set ...

By tpir 10 months ago

Opportunity to educate

First post and replies | Last post by SharonT, 10 months ago

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I answered every question I was asked about my cancer because it was an opportunity to educate. I think a lot of the people were seeking comfort, looking for information that could help them believe that this could never happen to them. Most people wanted to know if I had a family history or if I felt a lump. I don't have a family history, and I didn't feel a lump, so I felt like it was important to educate people that most cases of breast cancer are not genetic, and you can have breast cancer without being able to feel it in a self exam. Sever...

By SharonT 10 months ago

First post and replies | Last post by Thriving7, 10 months ago

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I waited a few weeks to share with my boss. I needed to know the path for treatment and I needed time to process what this meant. My boss and team were very supportive. My job allowed me some flexibility. During treatment I worked Monday-Wednesday, had chemo therapy on Thursday, rested on Friday and returned to work on Monday. Being at work provided me a distraction and helped to keep a routine.

By Thriving7 10 months ago

Leaning on Friends

First post and replies | Last post by Thriving7, 10 months ago

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When I shared with my sons they were very shocked, although supportive. At the time my youngest was in 5th grade and he was not quite sure what this meant, but he assumed the worst. One of his classmates dad took time to share with my son his mother was diagnosed with cancer when he was elementary school as well and she was still alive. My son was able to ask him questions and my son knew his mom. The conversation gave him so much peace and he was confident that everything would be just fine.

By Thriving7 10 months ago

I kept my cancer a secret, until it came back a 2nd time

First post and replies | Last post by cleo, 10 months ago

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Have a medical professional answer questions for your children

First post and replies | Last post by Gwoodhood, 10 months ago

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I was fortunate to have Dr. O'Dea (KU Oncology) offer to meet with my two children to discuss my diagnosis and answer any questions they may have. Understanding that they may have questions that are hard to ask me, I was grateful for this opportunity. My boys (age 14 and 18yrs) were reluctant at first but after the conversation really appreciated it. They met via Zoom.

By Gwoodhood 10 months ago

I shielded my husband

First post and replies | Last post by cleo, 10 months ago

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My husband cried every time he told someone about my cancer. He even cried at work when he told his coworkers. He can't stand it if I'm not OK so I shielded him not too different from the way I shielded my children. I'm not saying that this is the right thing to do, I am just saying that I did it. Sometimes I left the room if I felt like I was going to cry or I cried in the shower. When he would call from work to ask how I was doing, I would usually say "Fine!" I didn't want him distracted at work because that would not be good for anybody. I h...

By cleo 10 months ago

First post and replies | Last post by MindyLou, 10 months ago

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I found out on a Friday and first tried to protect my husband from learning about it before I could tell him that evening. He is a physician and I knew the mammogram report would be faxed to his office. I didn't want him to be distracted with his patients that day. Luckily for me, my whole immediate family was gathering for breakfast the next day. It was not easy to tell them but it was good, I think, to tell everyone at once. That Sunday, it was announced at church. I was very positive and felt like everything would be okay, as most pati...

By MindyLou 10 months ago

CaringBridge/husband

First post and replies | Last post by momoftwo, 10 months ago

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I was so emotional that I couldn't personally talk about it. In fact, since my diagnosis (DCIS - stage 0) was caught so early, I kept referring to it as "kinda like cancer." Since I had to have a double mastectomy, I changed my vocabulary fairly quickly! I asked my husband to relay the news to close friends and family, and then we set up a CaringBridge so he could communicate about my surgeries, updates, etc. It was nice to have it so people could send messages, and I didn't have to receive all of that personally. I read it when I was up for ...

By momoftwo 10 months ago

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