Navigating Breast Cancer with Kids

Julie Rudman recently asked for advice on how to navigate breast cancer with kids for an upcoming podcast she's a part of.  I wanted to share the answers I gave to her here as well, in case anyone else would find them useful.  Mamas, you are stronger than you ever thought possible.  Sending healing vibes to you all!

Initial Communication and Coping

How did you explain your cancer diagnosis to your children, and how did they handle it?

My kids were pretty young when I was diagnosed. My son was about to start kindergarten and my daughter was going into fourth grade. I was really nervous about how to bring it up with them. Thankfully, my nurse navigator gave me some great children's books that help explain cancer in a way kids can understand.

My husband and I decided to keep it simple but honest. We got them their favorite ice cream, sat them down, and just told them. I explained that I had been diagnosed with breast cancer, that I was in really good hands, and that I was going to be okay. We also talked about what to expect. I let them know I would probably be very tired and need lots of naps, and that I would lose my hair, but that it was a sign the medicine was working.

My daughter has always been the more skeptical one. She wanted proof that I was in good hands. So we looked up my doctors' ratings together online, and my oncologist even let her come to one of my appointments. That really helped. She got to meet the doctor, see the office, and understand exactly where I was going when I said I had a medical appointment. It gave her a lot of peace of mind.

Day-to-Day Management

In what ways did your parenting routines, responsibilities and approach shift during your cancer treatment?

Not only am I a mom to two kids, but I also work full time. Luckily, I work from home, so I’ve always been able to pick up the kids from school and continue my workday without needing after-school care. That made a big difference, but I’ve never been someone who likes asking for help. One of the hardest parts of treatment for me was accepting that I couldn’t do it all and that I had to lean on others.

My mom was amazing. She helped get the kids to their activities, picked them up from school a few times a week, and took me to most of my appointments so my husband wouldn't have to burn through all of his work leave. My husband handled most of the household while I rested, which gave me the space to focus on healing. My sister-in-law organized a meal train and even gifted me a house cleaning.  And my boss was supportive—she sent over meals each month and let me flex my schedule so I could make time for appointments.

Through all of that, I really learned how to ask for help and when to say no. That shift in mindset helped me protect my energy and prioritize my recovery, while still being present for my family.

Support Systems

What support network and resources did you establish for your family, and how did you communicate your needs to them?

My husband, my daughter, and I all had our own therapists, so we each had a space to talk through what we were feeling and get support in a way that made sense for us individually. That made a big difference in how we processed everything.

One of the best things that came out of my diagnosis was discovering Kesem. It is a national nonprofit that offers a free, week-long summer camp for kids who have a parent(s) that has been diagnosed with cancer. The focus is on letting kids just be kids and take a break from the heaviness of what is happening at home. But it is not just the camp. Throughout the year they also have meet-ups, and the counselors stay in touch with the kids, checking in and offering support. My kids are getting ready for their third year of camp this summer, and it is truly one of the highlights of their year.

Personal Reflections

What unexpected insights or lessons about parenting did you gain through your cancer journey?

Kids are so much stronger, braver, and more resilient than we often give them credit for.  I am incredibly proud of how my kids handled adversity and they have become more empathetic and more aware of what others might be going through.

Silver Linings and Growth

What meaningful moments, conversations, or personal growth did you and your children experience despite the challenges of your treatment?

My daughter took it the hardest between the two of my kids. During my diagnosis and treatment, she emotionally regressed quite a bit. She became really anxious and afraid to leave my side. Many nights she wanted to sleep on the floor next to me, and she lost a lot of sleep because of how much worry and stress she was carrying.

With time and support from her therapist, she began to make real progress. We came up with a small goal and a reward to help encourage her. If she could sleep in her own room for one night, we would go to a restaurant of her choice. When she finally did it, that dinner meant so much more than just a night out. It was a symbol of how much she had overcome.

That year of treatment did not feel like it had many happy moments, but one thing I am grateful for is how close we became as a family. Our relationships, communication, and trust in each other grew in a way that I never expected. We wrapped up that chapter with a family trip to Mexico, and I will never forget the moment I watched my family run toward the ocean. That memory is one of my favorites. It felt like we had finally made it to the other side.

Advice for Others

Based on your experience, what guidance would you offer to other parents facing cancer while raising children?

Your “best” may look very different during this time, and that is okay. Give yourself grace. You are fighting and healing, and that takes a tremendous amount of energy.

Do not be afraid to ask for help. You truly cannot do it all. Be honest with your kids early on. Let them know what they might see and feel and remind them that it is okay to have big emotions.

If possible, find a therapist for your kids where they can talk freely and process everything in their own way. And I highly recommend finding one for yourself too. Having that outlet is so important. Set realistic expectations for everyone in the family. Things will look different for a while, and that is completely normal.

And check out Kesem. It has been such a gift for my family. Now that I am in remission, I have had the chance to serve on the advisory board, and I can honestly say it is one of the most impactful organizations I have ever been part of.